I might as well change this to just a hatemail page, I'm not gonna put anything positive on here. For those who are wondering, about 99% of all my emails are positive feedback, they're just not interesting or funny to read. If you want to see some nice stuff I've been sent, have a piss over at the fan stuff page.
these emails are unedited.
|From: Sarah (email address removed)
|Subject: U loser
hi david ur such a loser.
i dont think u go round shootin ppl & bummin them do u well mayb u do i dont
no & 2 b honest i dont care wat u do wiv ur life i fink u suck if ur goin 2
make stupid lil cartoons like tha ur life must b the shitest of all lives ur
a very sick man & i h8 u every1 whos sent u hatred messages r right u no ur probably a dirty pervert who is also a murderer & goes round bummin dead ppl
I dont think u understand wat sort of a page ur site is im a girl @ the age
of 9 & ur site was meant 2 b 4 ppl all ages not 4 ppl over the age of 15 if
i canrt go on the internet now cuz of ur disgustin cartoons ur a sad man a
very sad man please reply i would luv 2 hear wat ur goin 2 say 2 a 9yr old & make it soon
You don't like my cartoons so that makes ME a loser? I find it hard to
believe you're 9 years old. Your parents should really have installed
one of those filters that makes the internet safer for KIDS, that's
right KIDS. If you went to my site (and can read properly) you would
have noticed the warning that says "WARNING! These will upset children
and the elderly" you, being 9, are a CHILD. You have no argument here,
I warned you.
|Follow up from: Sarah (no subject)
hey ur stupid im not really 9 im 14 so shut the fuk up cunt ur sad u go
round shoutin ur mouth of at ppl tha r givin u there opinoin well it dow
work wiv me m8 no has a go at me not ova the internet not 2 my face u fink
ur funny gd war eva ur jus a loser hu as nuffin betta 2 do then make up so
called "horror" movie's there not scary there not gd there a load of shit 2
b honest ive sin seen such crap in all my life n b4 u send me nefin bk i ave
got betta fings 2 then watch ur shity lil movie's thats y i dont go on ur
web site ne more cuz its shit n ur mum well she must b so proud of u makin
nasty movies that scare lil kids my lil sista was ere wiv me wen i was on ur
web site n wats the point in the milkman movie its pointless theres no
meanin 2 it y do u make silly movies wiv no meanin every movie film wat eva
has a meanin except ur shit of corse my sista was avin nightmares 4 3 days
cuz of ur shit u no how old she is she fukin 3 n cuz of ur crapy lil movies
she was shitin erself n my mums takin u 2 court cuz ur sick in the head
makin shit like tha n send a message bk cuz i want ur opinion plz
p.s make it soon bye
So you're not 9 years old? What was the point of lying? At least you could have used that as an excuse for your horrible chav-txt-grammar, sentences that don't go anywhere and general stupidity. Don't worry, you can stop reading this now, I'll personally send you a simplified version of this email so you can understand me. I'll make sure DAT NUFFIN IZ SPELLT RITE AN IT LUKZ LEIK IT W0z DUN ON A FONE, maybe I'll throw some random threats in too....who knows? "my sista was avin nightmares 4 3 days cuz of ur shit u no how old she is she fukin 3" Now why would you show my site to a 3 year old? Have your parents not taught you anything? Surely you'll be breaking into parenthood soon, or already maybe? I'm repeating myself here but my site clearly states that my cartoons aren't suitable for children. There's no "but" in this matter.
I guess there's not much else to say. You made no valid arguments about anything apart from the fact a 3 year old was scared by Milkman, and what a surprise! I'd be scared if I was that age. I guess I'll get an email off you next saying "HEY UR STUPID SHEZ 5 NOTT 3 U DUMAZZ"
So that's all I have to say on this matter, your email speaks for it's self. I would like to thank you for sending me one of, if not the best, most quotable email ever! Let's reminisce shall we?
"hey ur stupid im not really 9 im 14 so shut the fuk up" - What a perfect opening line.
"well it dow work wiv me m8 no has a go at me not ova the internet" - Makes you sound really scary that. I'm quite worried you might physically hurt me somehow with your words. Good threat there.
"b4 u send me nefin bk i ave got betta fings 2 then watch ur shity lil movie's" / "send a message bk cuz i want ur opinion plz" - Make your mind up.
I could go on all day but it feels like I'm replying to Vicky Pollard from Little Britain. Well I guess I'll find out what you look like when your mum takes me to court.
This is literally the first time I've ever had a strong enough reaction to
anyone's flash cartoons on the net that I actually feel inclined to email
them, so on some level you can probably use that for some kind of grim
First of all, it must be said that I'm of the age and background where I
have a high tolerance for a wide range of things I see on the net, going to
all sorts of extremes. It takes a fair amount to get a reaction out of me-
I'm rarely bothered by anything I see in that context, and I've seen a lot
over the last 11 years online.
The thing that compels me to write this email is the sheer pointless
ugliness of your "milkman" piece. I'm not bothered when people feel inclined
to use extreme imagery or shock value to make a point. However, that piece
of yours makes no point- it's the definition of pointless. What I think
bothers me the most is that this sort of thing is precisely what's wrong
with the democratization of technology like affordable personal computers
and in fact the internet itself. These things make it possible for anyone
and everyone to publish anything and have it seen by an audience
immediately, regardless of merit (or lack thereof). And now in this case, I
have to put up with it and frankly, I'm fucking fed up.
I gather that you're a university student and thus at the age where this
sort of issue is unlikely to occur to you, and I'm probably wasting time and
energy writing this as a result, but think about this:
What about the concept that if you're going to spend time and energy making
stuff that people are going to see (and probably a good percentage of these
people may be too young to absorb things in their proper context), perhaps
you should consider whether in fact there's any real reason for what you're
making to exist. Are you adding anything of any real value to the general
internet/cultural noise level, or just wasting bandwidth on (destructive and
I'm not saying that I think everything on the net has to be shiny and
sanitized- not in the least. I'm saying that, things being what they are
globally at the moment, if you're going to use violent imagery and shock
value, how about using them in service of an actual idea, rather than for
their own sake? Hollywood does enough of that already, adding to it serves
In a different approach to answering hatemail I have responded to this vocally:
listen to my response
watch an animated version (by AntonyC)
I dont care,
I dont care, I dont care, Idont care
Dont care that youre
publishing useless crap on the internet, and probably
poisoning young minds in the process? Dont care
that youre adding to an already serious problem?
In my opinion: you can
eat shit and fucking die. Go to hell.
This is such a pathetic hatemail I decided to let you, the viewers reply to him in your own way. He thinks I didn't put a reply because his mail was too smart for me and I had accepted defeat in the "Milkman" debate. If that was the case, then why would I post it on the site? Give him hell.
|Subject: Salad Fingers
|Man..this s**t was lame,but
it was funny,a guy made of salad who loves rusty spoons?You're
sick.Why the f**k did you waste your f**kin' time on making
a cartoon that'll make girls say "Eww!!This s**t makes
michael jackson look sexy!"Damn man,you could've been
doing somethin' better,that is,unless,you have no f**kin'
life and all you can do is sit on your computer and make lame
ass movies and post them on websites like NG,and actually
think "wow!i made something that people might like!i'll
post them on that newgrounds site!" Well man,I can tell
you don't have a girlfriend...otherwise you wouldn't be here
on NG making these lame excuses for a "funny movie"
well im done insulting you..if i made ya wanna cry its ok,go
ahead 'cause i dont give a f**k what you do with your life
you're a sick man making a cartoon like that,you probably
caress spoons yourself.
You've contradicted yourself so many times there, that I'm
confused about what your actual views are! So did you find
it funny or not ? You say both. You tell me that you don't
give a f**k what I do with my life, even though you've devoted
at least 4 badly written sentences to informing me that I
don't have one. You asked "Why the f**k did you
waste your f**kin' time on making a cartoon that'll make girls
say "Eww!!This s**t makes michael jackson look sexy!""
hmmm....well let me think, 45,000 people have watched it in
the last 3 days and my site now gets an extra 1,500 hits a
day because of it.........seems worth it to me. "you
could've been doing somethin' better" what like?
Insulting people's work on the internet? Oh yeah, that's what
all the cool kids do! I'm glad you took time out from your
super cool life to find a computer and email some abuse to
me. If you're so cool then why are you watching flash films
on Newgrounds? Surely you should be out burning down the street
on your Harley, picking up every woman that comes by, and
fighting. "you probably caress spoons yourself"
Salad Fingers !!!
|I am a frind of darkstrategyThis
flash was the bigest waste of my time. First of all who names
there flash salad fingers thats just gay. The flash was horrible
and it is worthy of being the eight wonder of the world on
why so many people liked it. The only correct review was made
by darkstrategy who gave you a zero in all categories. P.S.
Jumping off a twentie foot bridge will kill u if u disagree
why dont you give it a try. I also think you should "Drink
your own crap" or get your words straight in your reply
to darkstrategy and say drink your own pi**. Please reply!!!
it was a waste of your time, then why are you wasting more
of your time to
tell me? I'm sure jumping of a TWENTY foot bridge would
kill me, I'll try
and avoid doing that in the future. Your sentence "who
names there flash salad fingers thats just gay" leads
me to believe you're around 11 years old, which means you're
too young, too stupid and too closed-minded to be watching
my stuff. Tell your fat, ugly nu-metaller friend the same.
The above email refers to DarkStrategy,
some guy on newgrounds that made a point of telling me that he
gave all my stuff 0 because he hates me, which got him banned.
I guess this is also him, posing as "one of his friends"
THE REAL DAVE FIRTH
I don't know who the f**k you are, but I am the real David
Firth. My name is David John Firth, and I would like you to
know that I am aware that you are a doppleganger. I will find
you and I will get my life back; which you have clearly stolen.
I was on Newgrounds this day and
I discovered that the Featured Artist is ME! And I look
at the picture, and the picture is not me. You have stolen
my identidy you filthy whore.
Anyway, I am having a DAVE CONVENTION
in my backyard and all the children are invited. I would
like you to know that you are invited to be our guest of
honor. Please tell us (ME) if you are interested in the
DAVE CON 04'.
You Filthy c**t,
(The Real) Dave Firth
be at the Dave Con '04. We shall have a duel, a fight to the
death, armed only with spears to decide who is the true David
John Firth. Also I'd like to point out that searching for
"David Firth" on Google brings up 4 or 5 BORING
university professor sites before this one. So I suggest you
invite those imposters too! There can be only one.
If you'd like to help me change
this, help me become "Google's David Firth" then stick
a link to http://www.fat-pie.com
on every website, forum and guestbook you get access too, thus
improving my link popularity and helping me climb the great ladder
of Google. DO THAT NOW!!
"Gee David that sounds
like a hoot 'n' a holler"
That's all for now folks, I have
a lot more mail but it's really much fun. Send me fun stuff, send
me your wisdom and hatred:email@example.com
Don't send me stuff I have to pay for though. Adverts
have no place in my inbox.
Don't want your mail posting? then don't send me mail, that is the legal agreement. If you kindly ask me not to post it beforehand then I might not, but if it's hatemail then you deserve to be mocked. Don't even bother threatening to sue me, we don't tend to do that as much in the UK as the USA.